


keep it upstairs (for the grand finale)

by jaekyu



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous Relationships, Casual Sex, Friends With Benefits, M/M, OT4, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:02:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4514259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekyu/pseuds/jaekyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaebum sees romantic, sexual, all and any other partners - Jaebum has always seen them as point a or point b, as parallel lines, separate entities. You pick one or you pick the other.</p><p>Jinyoung, on the other hand, puts point a and point b in a circle together, Jinyoung draws lines that criss and cross. Jinyoung pushes people together until they fuse. An alchemist creating something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	keep it upstairs (for the grand finale)

**Author's Note:**

> for ashley ❤️ 
> 
> warnings for drug use and this wasn't beta'd.

honey, y'gotta learn that love is simple just like mud.  
if you play the dirt, then i'll play the water. all we gotta do is touch.

(FUNNY YOU SHOULD ASK, the front bottoms).

 

 

1.

Dating's like everything else: do it for long enough and you'll do it the same way every time.

Which is supposed to be like - the definition of insanity, right? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. A girlfriend that doesn't call you a lazy ass and dump you, a boyfriend who doesn't think you're too distant. But whatever, it doesn't matter and that's bullshit anyway. Point is that you develop habits. Point is that after those first few awkward relationships with kisses that feel like velcro and hand holding that gets too sweaty, you figure out how you operate. Slot a into slot b and gently hand tighten screw and all that,

If Jaebum were to think about how he operates he'd think of it like this: pay for the first date, fuck by the third. Gifts after a few months if it's worth it. Monogamy and flowers and shit.

Jinyoung defies logic and reason in that he doesn't seem to have any habits. He has the experience but no experienced acquired knowledge, no extra senses he's developed over time.

Jinyoung operates on feelings. He operates entirely in the moment. On the drops and the spikes in his gut.

 

 

2.

Jaebum's beer has long gone lukewarm in the cup clutched in his grip, tasting sour and plastic when it creeps down his throat. It's just keg beer though, which is nondescript and always easier to drink when you're too drunk to properly taste it. Jaebum takes another sip of it to test and winces. Not quite there yet.

This party's not really Jaebum's scene, not really his group of friends. Well, besides Jinyoung, Mark, Jackson. There's a handful of first and second years Jaebum only remembers when he sees their faces, sure, but other than that it's a lot of kids from major's who's department's he's never been in. The party's not reached it's peak yet but it's on the upswing, louder and rowdier in a steady incline. Bass thumps in Jaebum's ear drums.

He's not expecting the arms that wrap around him from behind, slim and lithe. They're Jinyoung's, covered in a striped sweater he's borrowed from Jaebum. "Hey," he says quietly, Jaebum returning the greeting. "Gimme a sip of that," Jinyoung continues after they've faced each other. He's gesturing to the cup in Jaebum's hand.

"It's not good," Jaebum replies with a wrinkle of his nose. Jinyoung insists, however, so Jaebum indulges. As per usual.

While Jinyoung's takes long sips of Jaebum's beer - Jaebum starts to feels that early buzz settle into his head and his body, that thrumming that comes like a slow tide a few drinks before drunk. He drops his head into the curve of Jinyoung's neck and breathes in, presses his open mouth there quickly, wet and warm like his beer. "You smell good," Jaebum compliments.

Jinyoung hums, "Jackson's cologne," around the lip of the plastic cup.

It's obvious, then. The fading flush of Jinyoung's chest and the mess of his hair and the musk - the musk of not only cologne but of sweat and something else, lying underneath that. Things Jaebum hadn't even considered before this painting something picture perfect. Jaebum gets it now, where Jinyoung ran off too after he left Jaebum to socialize a minute ago. Gets it enough that he could retrace Jinyoung's own steps to this very moment if Jinyoung asked him.

Jaebum takes his cup back from Jinyoung gently, swallowing the rest of his beer down while he ignores the taste. Then he passes his empty cup back to Jinyoung. "Get me another?" Jaebum asks, watching as Jinyoung knits his eyebrows. Jinyoung's about to fire back about Jaebum getting things himself, no doubt, but Jaebum cuts him off. "I gotta piss," he explains.

Jinyoung sighs but agrees, trotting off in one direction towards the kitchen while Jaebum trots off to the bathroom in the opposite.

The bathroom's unlocked and therefor, Jaebum assumes, is probably empty. It's just pissing, much as the same it always is. Jaebum assumes the position in front of the toilet and he does his business, zips up his fly and is about to turn one hundred and eighty degrees and walk right back out the bathroom door until a familiar voice says, "'Jaebuuuum, what's up?"

Jaebum turns, quickly and ends up facing a shower curtain and nothing else. But then the shower curtain moves aside and reveals Mark, sprawled out in the bathtub while he cradles a half-empty bottle of vodka. "Have you been drinking that straight?" Jaebum asks, in reference to the alcohol Mark's clutching.

Mark looks down at the bottle and studies it for a moment, before he says, "considering how drunk I feel right now? Yes. Definitely."

"Why are you in here?" Jaebum asks next. He gently taps Mark's leg so the other will lift his knees, leaving enough room for Jaebum to slide into the bathtub across from him. Mark lets Jaebum take the bottle of vodka from him and unscrew the cap, watching as Jaebum takes a swig.

"Came into here to piss," Mark shrugs, "didn't feel like leaving. What's up with you?"

The vodka burns it's way down Jaebum's throat, erasing any sour beer leftover. Once it reaches his belly it lays comfortably, though Jaebum's not sure how long that will last. "What makes you think something's wrong?" Jaebum replaces the cap, hands the bottle back to Mark.

"You just climbed into this bathtub with me and drank vodka straight from the bottle."

"Right," Jaebum swallows and trails off. In the silence, Mark takes the bottle back and tucks it as his side. Jaebum watches as Mark repositions their legs, then, so that Mark's legs are between the frame of Jaebum's. His feet rest in the right side of Jaebum's lap, digging just shy of too-hard into his hip. The glass of the bottle clinks against the tub from the movement. "My boyfriend just let Jackson suck his dick again, I think."

Mark nods slowly. "Rough," he replies, bottle of vodka already back in Mark's hands and then back over to Jaebum. "It still weirds you out."

It's not a question. Jaebum takes another sip and says, "still weirds me the fuck out," anyways.

 

 

(1.

There's no discussion to be had beforehand the first time it happens. Jinyoung doesn't think there has to be.

Jinyoung and Jaebum have been dating for the better part of three and half months at this point. They've reached past that awkward first stage of dating now. The one where you're always on your best behavior, offering to pay and pulling out chairs for the other person. Stuff like that. Now, they can relax in the comfort they feel around each other. They can test boundaries and push buttons and see what happens.

Relaxing in comfort for Jinyoung, apparently, means letting Jackson fuck his mouth before Jaebum comes to see him after his Econ class. Testing boundaries for Jinyoung means not even batting an eyelash when Jaebum walks in, Jackson looking at Jaebum like he had been expecting him to show up.

No time in those three and half months did Jinyoung ever let it slip he liked to be fucking more than one person at once. Not once would Jaebum even suspect it.

When they get to the explaining eventually, Jinyoung says it's more than that. He likes emotional connections with more than one person at once - whether it be platonic or romantic or a mish-mash of the two.

In some ways, it's hard for Jaebum to hear what Jinyoung's trying to say to him. On the surface he understands. That some people are hard-wired for boys or girls or both or neither or whatever and Jinyoung just happened to be hard-wired for all of it. For more, for lots, for everything at once. Hearing words and understanding them are one thing, though, and trying to absorb the idea that Jinyoung wanted to be with Jaebum and other people at the same time was a different story.

Jinyoung didn't apologize because he told Jaebum he shouldn't have to. Jaebum had agreed, but he's still getting used to things. Getting used to finding hickeys on Jinyoung he never left, to calling Jinyoung and it going to straight to voice mail because he's getting fucked, to Jinyoung juggling sexting Jaebum and someone else at the same time. To remembering that Jinyoung's preference is not meant as comment or judgment on what Jaebum gives him as his boyfriend.

Jaebum's still adjusting.)

 

 

3.

When Jaebum and Mark end up like this it always starts off awkward. Like they forget how to speak and act around each other, which is ridiculous considering how long they've known each other. Somewhere between a friendly punch in the shoulder and a obvious and insistent touch to the thigh the line gets too blurred and neither of them know which side of it they're standing on. It's a lot to do with the alcohol, fuzzy head and fuzzy vision and fuzzy boundaries. This time, at least, all the vodka will make Jaebum forget all the fumbling that lead up to this point.

This point being: him and Mark, still at this party, still in the bathroom, still laying in this bath. Now they're sharing the same side of it, though, with Mark's knees pressed against the porcelain of the tub on either side of Jaebum's waist. Mark's got one hand on Jaebum's exposed collarbone and the other curved around the opposite side of his neck to clutch the hair back there. They're making out, kissing sloppy like they have been for awhile now. The bottle of vodka's empty.

It's a strange - the way Jaebum tastes the alcohol on his own tongue and Mark's at the same time. Nasty beer forgotten with the warmth and wetness and bite of the vodka.

Mark's teeth bite sharper and harder, though, into the fleshy dip of Jaebum's bottom lip when he grinds down against Jaebum. There hips don't slot quite right, Mark's knee bangs against the tub, but they're still kissing and still breathing each other in and still in this stupid fucking bathtub about to rub each other off.

Jinyoung's still out there in the living room, maybe or maybe not. Maybe he's still holding Jaebum's beer or maybe he drank it himself. Maybe he's off with Jackson again or maybe he found somebody else. Jaebum's not thinking about that right now. Maybe later.

Right now he wants to get Mark's dick in his hand, a weight and feel not exactly as familiar as Jinyoung's but one he's felt enough to recognize. Jaebum wants to know if Mark skipped underwear tonight like he normally does for parties. He wants to know how worked up Mark is and how much more worked up Jaebum can get him.

Jaebum flicks the button open on Mark's jeans, settles his hand on the skin it exposes and let's it happen.

 

 

4.

It's like this:

Jaebum sees romantic, sexual, all and any other partners - Jaebum has always seen them as point a or point b, as parallel lines, separate entities. You pick one or you pick the other.

Jinyoung, on the other hand, puts point a and point b in a circle together, Jinyoung draws lines that criss and cross. Jinyoung pushes people together until they fuse. An alchemist creating something new.

He pushed himself and Jackson together until they couldn't keep their hands off each other. He pushed Jackson and Mark together until they became whatever they are these days (Jaebum makes it a point not to ask). Jinyoung pushed himself and Jaebum together until they stuck.

Jaebum wonders what's next for him and Mark. If Jinyoung will push them together like one chess piece overtaking another.

 

 

(2.

Jinyoung's told Jaebum he could fuck other people. He's made that perfectly clear.

They had this discussion once, twice, more then that. A discussion about how there's nothing fun about forced, serial monogamy. How monogamy only exists because it's presented as the only option. How the real fun, excitement and fulfillment comes from the way Jinyoung's decided to live his life. Get more now, ask questions later. They've talked about it at length. Jinyoung's drilled and hammered and drove it into Jaebum's head that he can fuck other people.

But Jaebum's been drinking the same fucking Kool-Aid as everyone else who hasn't been exposed to Park Jinyoung's Higher Plane of Living. There's ideas to unlearn and habits to break. You can't be speeding down the highway one way and then the exact opposite way the next. There are smooth, slow turns that need to be made.

So, Jaebum can't ever help the ugly guilt that settles in himself whenever he fucks Mark. Which is the only reason Jinyoung knows he's fucked Mark - because Jaebum couldn't sit across from Jinyoung at lunch and have him not know where Jaebum's dick has been.

"Namely," Jinyoung says after Jaebum's first confession, "Mark's hand, mouth. Maybe one day you'll graduate to his ass."

There was no cut or venom to Jinyoung's words. No underlining sense of betrayal in his tone of voice or body language. He was joking. Jinyoung was unfazed and laughing, sipping at a cup of coffee Jaebum had bought him.

Jinyoung doesn't care but "I'm sorry," slips out of Jaebum's mouth anyways.

"Don't be," Jinyoung insists, "I'm glad you're getting laid,")

 

 

5.

"Isn't it funny how we're all fucking each other's boyfriends?" Jackson says in a puff of smoke, thick enough to obscure his face before it dissipates. They're sitting, the four of them, on somebodies back porch. An in ground pool stretches out in front of them, with Jinyoung and Mark hovering closer to the edge of it. Jinyoung's rolled up his slacks to his knees so he can dip his feet in the crystal blue water.

"You're stoned as shit," Jaebum says, taking the joint Jackson offers him and deliberately avoiding the question while he sucks on the unlit end of it, "and this isn't Bertolucci, either, dude, this is real life."

"Umm? Does anyone not in one of your film classes know who the fuck that is?" Jackson counter claims, then swerves back to the original question with a, "anyway, am I wrong?"

Jaebum wonders if Mark's said something - about the two of them, him and Jaebum, and how most of these parties end with them sucking on each other's tongues and slipping the buttons open on each other's pants. When Jaebum looks over to see Mark's face, however, it's twisted into a puzzled look. Mark's listening from over by the edge of the pool, eye's narrowed slightly.

While Jaebum's not looking Jackson slips the lowly remnants of the joint out of it's perch on Jaebum's fingers, inhaling as Jinyoung makes his way back over. His feet are still wet, leaving damp foot prints against the porch floor as he goes.

"What are we talking about?" Jinyoung asks, voice dripping with innocence. Jinyoung's always been like that: calculation and cunning and knowing hidden behind an unassuming exterior and soft airy words.

Jackson chuckles in the back of his throat, exhaling his next puff of smoke. "You," he replies, that same half flirting half just fucking with each other tone he always uses with Jinyoung. Jackson takes what's gotta be the last drag of the joint long and slow, afterwords, holding it in his mouth.

Jinyoung leans forward next, putting his hands on either sides of Jackson's face. They read off each other without words, one knowing exactly what the other wants and vice versa. Jaebum watches, closely, as Jinyoung leans forward until his and Jackson's mouths nearly slot together. All the space that remains between their open mouths, now, is a small sliver. And in that sliver of space Jaebum can see smoke - pushed out of Jackson's mouth and into Jinyoung's, who swallows it down and pulls away before he exhales, leaning away from Jackson and looking pleased with himself.

Jaebum turns to look at Mark, closer than he was a few minutes ago, and their eyes meet.

Later, after they're all thoroughly stoned but before the night's over, Jaebum will pull Mark aside by tugging him off with a hand circled around Mark's wrist. "Did - did you say something to Jack-"

"No," Mark will shake his head, "I didn't say anything."

"Would he - like, would that - would this be a problem for him?" Jaebum's hand will gesture lamely back and forth between he and Mark, a demonstration of what he means by 'this'. "He called you his boyfriend."

"He's talking himself up like he always does when he gets fucked up," Mark will reply quietly, embarrassed to be put on the spot like that probably. Even later still, Jaebum will realize there was a better way to deal with this, but in this moment he doesn't realize, still half-stoned. "And no, he wouldn't care. Jinyoung's brainwashed him with that free love bullshit like he does to. Everyone, I guess."

You and me included will hang in the air between them. Unsaid but understood all the same.

For now, Jinyoung takes a seat in Jaebum's lap, arm circling around his neck. "You know," he drools, "you are wrong, actually, Jackson. I've never fucked Mark."

Mark, to his credit, looks unfazed. "You don't wanna fuck me."

Jackson's humming Nicki Minaj under his breath, I never fucked Wayne, I never fucked Drake

"I'd fuck you," Jinyoung shrugs his shoulders innocently, mouthing twisting into a smirk after, "you've just never asked."

 

 

(3.

The school year hits that stagnant edge. The one where Jaebum starts to feel like all he does is go to class and then go to parties and then eat Jinyoung out or let Mark suck his dick or indulge Jackson when he wants to split a joint with him. Day to day life rolls on without speed bumps or potholes, ominous in that you know eventually that comes to an end.

But for now Jaebum lets himself follow this constant loop, unaffected and unchanging.

He calls his mom.

"How's Jinyoung?" She asks. Jaebum's imagine her standing in the kitchen of the house he grew up in. There's sunlight coming in through the big window and casting the shadow of his mom cooking dinner in her apron along the hallway. He imagines sitting at the dining room table in the same room and telling her everything. About how his boyfriend fucks this guy who has this kind of boyfriend that Jaebum fucks sometimes when they're not too sober to think about it. How it's supposed to be a secret, Jaebum and Mark, but Jaebum is starting to think everyone knows anyway. How the last time Mark came up to him and Jaebum had pressed the thickest part of his thigh against Mark's crotch he had been barely two drinks into the night.

He thinks about it. But he's not sitting in the dinning room with his mom right now. He doesn't even know what she's doing.

"Jinyoung's fine," is what he says instead.)

 

 

6.

There are days when Jaebum feels spread thin.

It's reached the point where Jaebum will shuffle back from Jinyoung to Mark in the span of a day now, mere hours, instead of the weeks and days he's gotten used to. His respective relationships with Mark and Jinyoung are so much on the opposite ends of the spectrum, too, and going from one to the other with no time in between is like taking a U-turn too fast and having the breaks squeal under foot.

It's small things. The way Jinyoung moans and whines and sobs when Jaebum fucks him versus the way Mark sighs and shudders and breathes out slow. The way Jinyoung wants to be held down by his wrists and thrust into as hard as Jaebum can manage and how Mark would rather ride Jaebum, hands on his chest with Jaebum's hands curved around his hips.)

 

 

7.

Jaebum's finishing up Stats class when Mark texts him about how he's got some dope he lifted from Jackson and doesn't feel like going to Earth Science. He tells Jaebum what part of the student parking lot Jaebum can find Mark sitting in his car in before Jaebum even agrees to meet him.

Mark's at the far back of one of the more deserted parking lots, sitting in the driver's seat of the now beat-up car his parents got him for his sixteenth birthday. Because Mark's parents are loaded and can do that.

He's rolling a blunt when Jaebum opens the door and drops his messenger bag onto the passenger side floor. After Jaebum closes the door behind him, he turns to see Mark's tiny pink tongue darting out to lick the edge of the rolling paper, getting it nice and wet before he folds it over and seals the joint closed.

"Hey," Mark acknowledges Jaebum finally, too absorbed in his earlier task to break his concentration. Mark drops the joint between his lips and lights it, tossing his lighter back into his center console when he's done. "How was Stats?"

"I fell asleep," Jaebum replies, taking his own long drag of the joint when Mark offers it to him. "You don't usually smoke."

Weed's not really anyone of the four of them's thing besides Jackson's. Jaebum does it because he's a good friend who pretty open-minded, as well as admitting it's a nice way to relax and take a load off. He also fucking loves beating Jackson at video games while they're high. As for Jinyoung, he does it casually because he's around Jackson a lot. But every time they're at a party and the joint makes it way around to Mark he always declines.

"I don't smoke around Jackson," Mark explains, "I don't have enough hands to worry about him and myself when he gets high."

Jaebum laughs. They pass the joint back and forth some more, talking shit and laughing. Somehow an hour passes and Jaebum feels sort of itchy under his skin, something he can't scratch. "Hey," Jaebum says, not sure what's going to come out of his mouth until he sees Mark's lips wrapped and his cheeks hollowing around their dwindling joint and blurts, "you wanna fuck?"

Mark seems dazed while he puffs out a cloud of smoke. It only takes a second, though, for Jaebum's words to properly register and for Mark to say, "yeah."

Jaebum maneuvers, none too gracefully, into the back seat of Mark's tiny car. There's garbage littered all over the floor, like a bomb filled with hundreds of 3AM McDonald's and Taco Bell runs went off back here. One of what looks like Jackson's shirts is down there too, crumpled up and half tossed under the passenger seat. Jaebum's cramped bones and muscles from sitting down stretch out in the back seat now, various pops and cracks as he settles himself. Mark climbs back there once Jaebum is ready, no need to be asked.

Jaebum isn't an expert on stoned sex. He's done a lot of drunk sex, though, and he knows that that is sloppy always and awkward sometimes. Sex when you're blitzed is different, everything more heightened. Sensory overload. Or at least that's what Jaebum can tell from having Mark suck on his collarbone and rub at his dick through his pants for the last five minutes.

"I wanna," Mark says, lifting himself slightly out of Jaebum's lap. It leaves just enough space between the weight of Mark's body and Jaebum for Mark to be able to start properly tugging at Jaebum's pants. "I wanna ride you."

"Yeah," Jaebum breathes, "yeah, do it."

Jaebum's pants don't get farther than his thighs, but it's enough. It's enough for Mark to get his boxers down too, to get Jaebum's dick out and fuck down onto it once Mark has his own pants off. The car feels like it's a hundred degrees, heating up every second with the shared exhale of Jaebum and Mark's deep breaths and with the friction between both of their bodies. Jaebum thinks stoned sex is nice, by now, his orgasm coming faster than he could have anticipated.

Mark is louder, too. Jaebum likes that.

Stoned sex in a fogged up car seems to have one glaring, downside, however: you can't see Jackson Wang approaching until he's got the passenger door open and is sliding inside.

Mark and Jaebum freeze, Jaebum still inside of Mark and his hand still around Mark's dick. They're breathing is so loud, the car is so small and there's no fucking way Jackson doesn't know what's happening in here right now. Jaebum could hear a pin drop, but only barely over his breathing and the thumping in his heart.

"Fuck, it reeks in here," Jackson says, "you're lucky I fucking love you or you would have been fucked for you Earth Science notes, Mark. But by the looks of it you're half of that already."

Jaebum would think the cat's out of the bag, oh shit here, maybe. If this wasn't the exact moment that he realized:

There's not cat, there's no bag. There's just you with your pants down.

 

 

8.

Jaebum thinks more and more these days that he should get new friends.

He can't, though, because he doesn't know where to start. He has nowhere to start. Funny how you'll build your life around people and then not know how to tear it all down afterwords. He's not serious, anyway. All things considered, Jaebum's not doing any spring cleaning or hedge trimming to his group of friends this year.

In moments like these, too, it's not hard to forget all these complications he's facing these day because of them. Moments like now when Jinyoung's slid into Jaebum's bed beside him and asked Jaebum if he wanted to fuck him good. Jaebum has agreed, obviously, and when Jaebum is given a task like this, he is single-minded. Blocking out everything else and completing it as thoroughly as possible.

Now, Jinyoung is spread under him, smooth pale skin naked and beautiful as it always is. Damp from sweat and precome where it collects from Jinyoung's dick onto his belly. Jaebum keeps pushing into Jinyoung slow and pulling out until he's barely inside of him, leaving Jinyoung nearly empty and whimpering every time. This time, as Jaebum pulls himself out, Jinyoung grips his shoulders and whines. It's the most primal sounding noise Jaebum's ever heard him make and it's hot enough to have Jaebum biting his lip and clenching to keep from coming.

Jinyoung's nails dig crescent moons into Jaebum's skin. "Please," Jinyoung croaks and it's so hot again, to hear his voice so wrecked and raspy. Jinyoung keeps talking too, with his eyes screwed shut and hair fanned out again the pillow, trying to push himself back down onto Jaebum's dick. "Please, just - just fuck me." Jinyoung says, breathless.

He repeats it like mantra, a little more desperate and breathless and wrecked each time. Jaebum lets him talk, ramble on and on until Jinyoung sounds on the edge of sobs - and then he thrusts back into him in one smooth motion, bottoming out as Jinyoung moans. It sounds caught somewhere between relief and arousal, exactly where Jaebum wants him.

Jaebum gives Jinyoung what Jinyoung himself wants now - fucking him fast to get him riled up again and so close to coming when moments ago Jinyoung was begging for it like Jaebum would never let him.

Jaebum likes Jinyoung like this. So much so it's enough to make Jaebum's own head swim and his hard on feeling like it'll never go away, even with an impending orgasm pooling in Jaebum's gut. Jinyoung just begs so pretty.

Jaebum mutters in Jinyoung's ear. Jinyoung mewls in response, back arching, and then he's coming. Jaebum wastes no time in following.

The long drawn out sex has made them tired, but they haven't fucked like that in weeks and when they can it's worth it. Even if they're bones feel a hundred pounds after and all they can really manage is to tie off the condom and fall asleep beside each other.

 

 

(4.

Jaebum doesn't realize what he's said until that night, when he wakes to Jinyoung fast asleep beside him and moonlight streaming through open blinds.

Suddenly, he hears it clear as day. His own voice repeating his whispered words in his head. It registers with him then, too, the weight of what he said. The implication when it came out of his mouth and what it means that he said it to Jinyoung. What Jinyoung heard and how he processed it. Jaebum's voice, leaning over Jinyoung and whispering in his ear.

Do you beg for it like this with Jackson?)

 

 

9.

By the time proper morning arrives, Jinyoung's gone. It doesn't take a genius to figure out it's Jaebum's fault.

Jinyoung doesn't have class this early. There's no note scribbled with happy faces and hearts or hastily prepared breakfast or the much more easily acquired bag with bagel and coffee in it from the shop down the street. Jinyoung leaves not even any small traces of himself, everything gone besides the knowledge that Jaebum knows he had been there. It's all evidence that overwhelming points to Jinyoung being angry when he left, angry with Jaebum.

Jaebum pulls his phone out, blinking at his lock screen. He entertains the idea, however briefly, of texting Jinyoung. But it passes and Jaebum pulls up Jackson's contact info instead.

to: Jackson

is he w/ u

from: Jackson

yeh. he's ok.

Jaebum types up a reply about telling Jinyoung he's sorry, can Jaebum call him. The message sits unsent in the text box for a few seconds, then Jaebum hits the back space. His phone buzzes with a second message from Jackson not long after, as if Jackson saw the text Jaebum never sent.

from: Jackson

he doesn't want to talk right now

to: Jackson

ok.

Jaebum reads the message over and over, biting on his lip and nails and tongue. It reaches the point where Jaebum has to force himself away, pulling up another contact page to replace Jackson's text window.

to: Mark

hey

from: Mark

whats up

to: Mark

you wanna come over?

from: Mark

sure

 

 

10.

Mark knows. Jaebum knows that Mark knows. Jaebum knows that Jackson knows because Jinyoung told Jackson so that means Mark knows. Mark might know that Jaebum knows that he knows. They don't talk about it.

Instead Jaebum ends up inside Mark, fucking him fast and hard and trying not to think too much about anything. The guilt that has been gnawing less and less at Jaebum when he's with Mark has returned with a vengeance, sinking it's teeth into Jaebum's flesh and refusing to let go.

"You're not into this," Mark says, breath hitching slightly as Jaebum thrusts into him. Jaebum's not used to hearing Mark's voice when they fuck and the changes that come with being aroused would normally be a thing for Jaebum, if he weren't so surprised by both Mark speaking and the words coming out of his mouth.

"What?"

"I get it, you're -" Mark starts, stops. Jaebum's pace slows until it comes to a stop, still half inside Mark and Mark's dick still leaking precome between them. "Do you like me?"

Mark's not looking at Jaebum now, eyes downcast and a pink colour rising high on his cheeks. "What do you mean?" Jaebum asks. He thinks he knows what Mark means, almost, but he doesn't know how to answer.

"I mean," Jaebum watches Mark's throat bob with a hard swallow, the skin moving while it's marred with mark's from Jaebum's teeth. "The way you like Jinyoung, do you like me that way?"

Jaebum considers this. Considers the way he likes Jinyoung: the heart pounding, smile as bright as the sun, wants you at your best and your worst way. He likes Jinyoung, loves him maybe, even though recent circumstances have kept Jaebum from thinking about that too much, and he knows that. Jaebum thinks about Mark. The way Mark looks when the light hits his face just right, the way he laughs and the way he can listen to any problem Jaebum has and make it better just by being.

"I think I," Jaebum thinks carefully of what he says next, afraid to alienate someone else by being careless, "I like you, too. Almost the same way I like Jinyoung but it's - it's different."

There's much more Jaebum could say. He could say it's not a bad different, just different. Maybe a good different. A different that puts Mark and Jinyoung into two different categories in Jaebum's life, but that just means they're not in competition for the same spot. He could say those things. But Jaebum's throat feels so tight after just those first few he never gets them out.

Mark nods, though, seemingly understanding everything Jaebum said and didn't say. "So you get it now?"

Jaebum furrows his brow, "get what?"

"Jinyoung and Jackson," Mark explains. "You get it. How Jinyoung can like you and the way he likes Jackson but how it's different."

How he's not you're replacement. How you're not not good enough. How there's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with Jinyoung and there's nothing wrong with Jackson. It's all just the same but different. All these things, it's like Jaebum can hear Mark say them.

The only words that come out of Mark's mouth, though, are, "your dick's still in me, though, so how about you think about this all later?"

 

 

11.

Jinyoung relents, whether by Jackson's persuasion or his own decision, and comes to see Jaebum that night.

They sit across from each other with their hands folded in their laps. The sweater Jinyoung's wearing is one Jaebum's mom bought for him. Jaebum wonders if without Jaebum Jinyoung would have no sweaters and freeze to death.

"I'm still mad," Jinyoung says first, breaking the long pause that had stretched between them. "I'm mad and I think I'm allowed to be." Jaebum nods. "I can't," Jinyoung sighs. He leans forward so he can balance his elbow on his knee, and then his temple on the finger of his extended arm. He starts again, "I can't be with you if you're going to constantly need your ego stroked. If I need to prove how I feel about you every time I'm with Jackson. I'm not going to stick around long enough for you to resent and end up fucking hating me because of this."

Jaebum apologizes. Part of him wants to continue to speak, to tell Jinyoung he almost gets it now, or at least he's on the road to better understanding. Jinyoung's not stopping, though, and Jaebum doesn't want to interrupt him.

"How many times," Jinyoung asks, "will I have to convince you that I'm not replacing you or trying to fill some void I have from being with you before you believe it? The fact that I'm always back here putting up with your shit should be enough, shouldn't it?" Jinyoung sits back up, looking Jaebum straight in the eye. "For the record, I never compare the two of you. Not to each other, not to other people, not in my head. I don't do it."

"Jinyoung," Jaebum finally breathes, as Jinyoung ends his monologue. He tries to speak as fast as he can, getting every single word he needs to get out out. "Listen, I used to feel like that. I used to think that. I used to wonder what I was doing wrong that you needed to be with someone else. I would have said something but I was trying to work through it on my own. I wanted to understand something I didn't but I didn't want to ask questions. But I," Jaebum swallows, "I think I'm starting to get it now. Better, more. We're different for you - me and Jackson, it's different."

Jaebum expects Jinyoung to be surprised that Jaebum had this revelation. But it's like he knows - it like he knows all the intricate finer points of Jaebum and their edges already and he was just waiting for them all to slot into place. Jinyoung face softens into a genuine smile and Jaebum feels a weight lift off his chest and shoulders.

"One more thing," Jinyoung adds on, quickly, "stop apologizing about Mark. I can't imagine that makes him feel very good."

 

 

12.

Same shit, different day.

They're hanging out, the four of them. No parties and no classes. Just the four of them sat in the living room after two bowls, some take-out food and the occasional PDA.

Right now, Jinyoung sits in Jaebum's lap in a chair. Across from them sits Jackson, Mark sat between his legs in front of the couch. Jinyoung bites Jaebum's earlobe, Jackson puts his hand in Mark's hair.

"The four of us," Mark says, voice dreamy, "we're good, aren't we?"

Yeah. They are.

**Author's Note:**

> the bertolluci line is a reference to the guy who directed _the dreamers_ which a movie basically just about pretentious threesomes. which is what the aftermath of this fic would eventually lead too - so jaebum's wrong.


End file.
